I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I looked at my own cervix.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
