weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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