I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
how does spending your day off taking me to the hospital sound?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
yeah true but how easily can you rip a scrotum
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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