That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
