so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
