Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
