So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Randomize
