my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Yeah I should probably start planning our first conversation instead of our first child.
Just sucked a bong hit straight from my girlfriends mouth & pretended I was a Dementor. Life just 87% more like HP.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
FOUND: my underwear in the cabinet above the toilet. What the actual fuck.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
Randomize
