so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
went out last night. woke up with a lisp.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
