My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
