What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
