your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
Tried to dry my shoes in the oven last night.
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Randomize
