i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
My mom woke me up in a bubble bath this morning.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Safe to say I relapsed into my old chatroulette drunk flashing days.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
When someone comes out of your vagina and stomps on your dreams, you'll understand.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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