im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
