i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
so all the bums hang out by my new store, they have a leader we call king bum... He got dethroned by police today for choking out a hooker. The bum heirarchy is in shambles right now.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
Plus, I've always wanted to drive in rush hour with a huge cock drawn on my hood
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Randomize
