I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
last week i woke up at this guys house...this week i woke up at his ex girlfriends
She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
george bush was a better president for first pitches than barack obama. there. i said it.
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
