dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
you came home covered in oatmeal wearing a tutu holding a stolen wrotting pumpkin and "its a girl" balloons tied around your neck.you were whispering the lyrics to aaron carters 'aarons party'. i think the real question was what DIDNT you drink last night
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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