Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
Error 1684C: You're last text was undeeliverable. Subscriber is our to the aera.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
No. I just want to cuddle and talk about our feeling. Of course this a booty call.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Sup man, did you have a 3way this month if so it would be 3 for 3 for the house
I'm getting married
To pizza
Far too many of our conversations end in us talking about sperm
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Change the sheets & put your dick in the dishwasher. I'll see you in an hour.
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
