just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
It's tough not drinking when the bartender adds rum to your coke without telling you, and doesn't charge you
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I have no idea what those words in that order meant, but if you go to Florida send me pics of strippers
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
