Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
I forgot how hot balto sounded
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
That's how pantless uber rides happen
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
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