I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
Maybe. This hangover is made of nightmares and that thing from the Alien movies.
Just found a uh poem I wrote on ambien. It says to "cry your seamen filled tears" and "I hope you take a dagger to your vagina" and at the end it says "sincerely, God". What.the.fuck do they put in that pill?
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
