He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
Hey I just woke up in the back of a pickup truck parked at taco bell... Can u come get me?
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
Randomize
