We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Just think about it this way, every time you work Sunday, it's another $75 and that equals another hooker when we go to Amsterdam.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I'm eating lunchables with a glass of wine while I FaceTime the guy I lost my virginity to.
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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