Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
kicked my backpack and turned on my vibrator in the middle of class. success.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
Randomize
