I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
Henry's handball, Tiger Wood's Car Crash, Roger Federer losing ... That's it....I'm throwing my Gillete away
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
You were so drunk you decided to go out of the car window instead of using the door, once you realized what you had just done you said fuck it and went back in through the window
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
