I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
don't let me wipe my vag with a dirty leaf outside of mcdonalds ever again.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
