I'm sorry for everything. i woke up with two citations stapled to my shirt.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
Randomize
