at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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