Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
It's Friday. Sex?
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
He's cheating on her.
Are you sure it wasn't her?
I have my glasses on, and as long as she didn't change her face in the past two months; its her.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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