I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
Fastest way to get judgmental looks on a Sunday morning: wear sunglasses inside carrying a case of beer and thin mints at the grocery store. May or may not have ran into the glass door.
Gotta love Minnesota
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Randomize
