I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
What's the rule on cocaine before dinner?
Its 11 o'clock somewhere
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
Randomize
