how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
as a side note pls kill me
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
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