I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
We are not in a rock band. We can't continue living like this.
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I'm eating chocolate cake while this guy snaps me from the gym. Like I cant believe i actually considered getting rid of this cake. Have fun sweating ima eat this cake 👌
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
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