those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
That's how pantless uber rides happen
IF YOU DIE ON LSD YOU DIE FOR REAL
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
