Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We were kinda loud so his roommate woke up and to make up for it he invited him to a threesome. I can't drink whiskey anymore.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
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