i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
On an unrelated note: I'm also a big advocate of the "never waste a boner" theory.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
Randomize
