I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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if there is one thing you splurge on it better be nice condoms
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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