New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
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