Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Someone who makes you cum so hard that you have an asthma attack is clearly your soulmate
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Randomize
