highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Sorry for trying to give you my dresser last night. Are any of the drawers still in your car?
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
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