I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
i found a roscoes card in my pocket that says 'fuck me bare fo $15.20'. Wow
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
