she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Randomize
