I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
i have to go- we're throwing the dummy from the balcony again
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
This girl in my class is lecturing my professor about zombies. It has been going on for 15 minutes.
Zombies?
Zombies.
Randomize
