i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
THIS IS THE EMERGENCY BOOZE SYSTEM. I AM EN ROUTE TO DEWITT WITH A FIFTH OF TEQUILA. THIS IS NOT A TEST
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
I made a bong out of my deodorant today. Did you?
Had sex in a blanket fort. How was your weekend?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Randomize
