if you wake up with plaid pants on your floor in the morning, you made a bad decision.
Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
It was just like the old times. We watched movies and shit. But not like old times-i fucked her hot brother when she was in the shower? Times are a'changin.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
