It's like a parade of train wrecks.
just heard a swedish guy suck in helium and speak in his accent. top 5 favorite moments. ever.
i literally would have sex with every single person on this girls wall, but not her
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
show concern. Mark ate a butterfly and proceeded to drink more shots like nothing happened
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Successful first night. Lost my phone. Front desk found it. Earthquake in wine country. Didn't feel it.
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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