She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
I've reached the slutty point of no return. And it feels like multiple orgasms and coke lines
Just once, I'd like to hook up with a girl that doesn't look like she's having a near-fatal seizure when I give her an orgasm.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Well his ex just grabbed his dick and told him yep Ill call u later
Oh and I'm kind of in the library.
Waiting for the foreign guy who keeps staring to make his creepy move.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
In an unrelated matter, im gonna eat you out so much later.
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
