please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
After he finished he laid there and told me how much work that just was. I looked at him and told him not to ruin a good thing by opening his mouth.
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