Well douche your snatch and let's go!
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I just handed the barista at Starbucks a panty liner instead of my card....maybe I should upgrade this Tall to a Venti...
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
