They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Say something about gay babies.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
