Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
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