He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I woke up and there is a food processor in my purse. Someone else's framed family photo. My front door is wide open and my gerbil is playing in the water bong.
Yeah I'm going to bathe him.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I look excited, but its just a facade.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
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