A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
It's like weed even makes my glasses better. Everything is so bright and clear and beautiful!
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Randomize
