I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
Also, we accidentally donated a bong to goodwill
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
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