you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
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