Yo dont text me then not text me
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
I just inadvertently flirted with my coworker's 20-year old son. I've known him since he was 14, yet suddenly he looked different.
You are nothing if not reliable.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
