I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
Since he's sober and out of jail, he acts like we are the worst people on Earth. Fuck him, the only acceptable time in life to do coke is the early twenties. He won't take that from us.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
Don't tell me you're on acid again
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
