Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
.... I'm on a random couch somewhere in Newark wrapped in a Lightning McQueen blanket
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
Randomize
