I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
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i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
when your 30 and im 37 and we're lonely and single, lets make a pact to murder each other.
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She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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