I'm sorry my penis didn't work
No awkward lesbian experiences without me
I find it funny that "sexual harassment" contains the phrase "ass sex". Let me know what your thoughts are on the matter.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
Randomize
