Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
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