I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
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