Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
admittedly, geting that drunk in front of my last two exes wasnt a good idea
probably didn't help that you cheated on them with each other either
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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