I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
i think at one point throughout the night i began eating birthday cake with a q-tip.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
Randomize
