I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
Randomize
