I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
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I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Her voice kills me. Its the perfect pitch to fuck with my hangover.
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As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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