I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
Randomize
