He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
AMERICA LOVES YOU. RIDE THAT DICK LIKE PAUL REVERE RODE HIS HORSE SO MANY YEARS AGO
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Randomize
