ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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