I thought you should know that you passed out in your trash can last night.
Thanks for throwing up on me.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
sorry I didn't call you. I had your number saved as "girl that offered bj but didn't follow thru".
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
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