its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Mid stroke she told me she'd had bigger. Replied I could tell. Sex ended right at that moment.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
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