Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
You're a FUCKING ASSHOLE. Love mom
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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