once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I just sold my mom a dimebag. Should I feel scared or sucessful?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
Randomize
