How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
My purse is full of condoms and money.
I like where this is going...
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