if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
If you put those two in a room together it'd be like a Taylor Swift fantasy and an Adele nightmare just licking faces
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I swear if you get so drunk that I have to sing Bohemian Rhapsody to you again to get you to come out of the bathroom I'm leaving you at the bar this time.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize