I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
He walked in at 7am saying that the police had his shoes and phone because he's being investigated for attempted auto theft.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
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