I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
Randomize
