you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
