My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just got a free round of shots. Don't you DARE fuckin tell me that A-cup boobs can't get you good things.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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