Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
You can't hide fat with big sunglasses.
he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
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