are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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