i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
I just woke up covered In blood, I have cuts all over my body, I can't find my clothes from last night, I'm still wasted, i'm pretty sure I have a sprained ankle, and the best part is, I have absolutely no recollection of what led to this. THAT'S why vodka is the greatest drink in the world.
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
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We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
Turns out, his fucking is as lame and staggered as his NFL career.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
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