everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Who has a video camera? i want to look back on this one day and say OH thats why i spent 2 years in jail
and my loofah got caught on my nipple ring in the shower today. what an awful experience.
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
He's hot though. It's not like he JUST got out of prison. That was like months ago
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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