Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
6 more days and it'll be a year since i slept with him and never went home
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
Randomize
