Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
I fill condoms, not promises.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Randomize
