Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to puke in every plant on the whole top floor at the mall without a single person noticing and without missing a step.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
