He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
New game: Step 1) Turn on ESPN. Step 2) Drink every time someone says "LeBron."
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
