I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Randomize
