he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
And, omg, my eyelids are on fire. I think the internet let me down. :(
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
Randomize
